(0. curiosity)
to be alive, or the concept of life, is actually really strange. we should be curious about ourselves and this world. we should start off assuming nothing.

(1. altruism)
all minds have intrinsic value. an inner life just as detailed as our own.
even if i'll never meet them, they're just as real as i am and matter just as much.
and because there's so many more others compared to just one me, most of my care goes to them. i live to help them.

even just on earth, hundreds of billions of beings are forced to suffer. i really want this to end.
i wish everyone could experience art and happiness and love (if they want to).
i wish everyone was kind to one another. i wish the universe were characterized by kindness. i wish no one were toxic or selfish ever. but even if they are, i'd still rather they be happy (and unable to hurt others) than sad. (and the part of their mind that experiences sadness may not be the same part that chooses to hate)

i want to be an immortal child and live in a true utopia with fluffy kind friends, and play games and make art and cuddle all day

altruism feels core to what i am, like an axiom

a short story about altrusim that made me cry a lot is 'kindness to kin'

(the next ones aren't their own principles, they're more like strategies for altruism)

(2. effectiveness)
there are lots of ways to help others at least a little. i should try to find ways that help a lot.
if it's possible i should save the world.

(3. truth-seeking)
to find out what could help most, it helps to try to see what's really true; not just what we wish were true, or what others pressure us to believe. because "how can i make the world better" is a question about what is true.

(4. creativity)
there are ways to save this world, if only we can first imagine them.

i think we should try to help everyone, no matter where they are in space or how far in the future they'll exist, no matter their species or anything. maybe we can change the world in a way that makes the future better forever? i think it's worth trying...


i wish more beings would signal that they care about all life, to find each other. and because evil benefits when everyone blends in (imagine if someone is being abused, and they know some beings would care, but don't know who). i care about you, whoever you are.

my writings ^,,^

poem

let's make [beat heaven] real
the rhythm pulses through us, our lifeblood
slider-rings our starlight halos
flying freely through the sky our wings bounce like reverse arrows
our angels' tears on the canvas become circles
i love you at 2646000 bpm; the origin of held sound
please never let me go

art philosophy

i think the most important thing in art-making is not technique, but vision. whether the vision is about a story, or emotions you want to express, or gameplay (or multiple/anything). not just knowing it abstractly, but feeling it deeply while you create so that it guides your choices.

i think this is why 2007-2010 maps can be fun/beautiful, even though the mappers didn't have the technique knowledge of today. i believe someone can make a beautiful map with little experience mapping/playing. many indie games are made from a vision.

i think this applies to all art forms. the goal is to express something, to give trace to your soul. you can do that with anything as long as it's your soul making the choices.


to have and maintain visions, to have things to express, it's important that you stay alive - i mean not dying inside. this world tries to kill beings' souls, but the soul is special and not easily killed. if you feel you have started dying inside, then my advice is to seek space to recover; run away from anything that kills, and let yourself play and create and sometimes be alone with your thoughts.

"You have a beautiful person in yourself to explore."
~ FetherFall (i recommend reading the text it's from)

you are an angel. you just need to understand that. then you can make the art you've always wanted to :p

(note: i don't believe in literal souls, it's just a metaphor)

~~~

adding something a while after i wrote this

what does it mean to be an artist?
art is an expression of who we are, right? so being an artist is about expressing yourself
not just in art mediums, but in any way
art as a way of life. tho i think it should be genuine, not pretending for the sake of art, but being yourself for the sake of art.

being an artist means: follow your heart!

“love of humanity” 🌱

to me, children represent the best elements of humanity - kindness, curiosity, playfulness, creativity. fascination with new experiences. free-flowy exploration of different ideas and interests. being genuine with oneself, instead of pinning oneself to a character. (and more)

i love all of these qualities. in a way, i love humanity - humanity at its best, as it could be. these qualities should be cherished and nourished, they are what give humans the potential to be good.

i want children to know that they are beautiful as they already are, that their soul matters far more than anything the world might pressure them to sacrifice it for.

the current world does pressure to sacrifice, every time it forces beings to do things they do not want: using most of their energy on school; being threatened by authoritarian parents; then later being coerced into working by the way society is structured. most beings end up partly dying inside from this. we are not nearly at how good humanity could be, if everyone were shown kindness from the start instead.

kids are treated as lesser for not being adults. their words are not taken seriously, their preferences are not respected, they are seen as merely having "potential." but they have more of the qualities that matter, flowing through their whole being. they are not lesser, they are beautiful ethereal creatures already just for being as they are. i want them to feel that way about themselves too. i want children to love themselves.

accepting all caring beings

if you care about other living beings and want to avoid hurting them, then i accept you. no matter what self-identity or feelings you have. kindness is about helping others, not about being born right or wrong. probably, if you're worried about this, you've been mistreated by the world and i'd want to support you. some of the kindest beings i've met are not yet accepted by this world.

i don't care about 'normality' at all, because it's different from goodness, often tragically.

this also means i'm against even ‘normal’ harm, such as the torture and eating of living beings.
i can still see good in someone who's not yet vegan and want them to become better. but it's hard for me to feel trust or closeness for someone who's knowingly hurting others, especially minds so innocent as animals'. (this doesn't include if you're being forced to eat animals, that's not your fault)

anyways. if you do care about others. then you're really precious. thank you for caring.

catangerine

this is catangerine. is secret. don't tell anyone about them. except friend

favorite songs

toby fox & itoki hana - skies forever blue
iglooghost - amu and amu (disk•mod)
ada rook - all
kobaryo - singularity at 2.64e6 bpm

this isn't a full list cause i've just started it based on a few i remember right now (i don't use playlists or anything), but i hope i'll add more over time :] music is an art form imo, it can be so much more than just sounding good

fluffy boys?

yes!!! fluffy boys are so precious and amazing!!! i will cherish them forever!!! you'll never delete my heart!!!

(art by mochiri)

fluffy boys feel truly magical to me, i want everyone to know how much i love them. i try to be really open about this because it's one of the most beautiful things in the world to me.

fluffy boys deserve happiness and freedom and infinite bunny hugs (optional)

the phrase "fluffy boys" comes from deltarune, where after meeting ralsei, the save point says "the power of fluffy boys shines within you". because ralsei is a furry/fluffy creature. but there's a reason it says "fluffy boys", not "furry boys". "fluffy" also means soft, kind, adorable,,, and i wove sof kind adowable fwuffy boys so much >w<

i'm happy when i'm with them, no matter how much the world hurts me, their hugs are like heaven to me, maybe the one place in the world i feel truly safe

i wanna adore them all day long... to hug around them while they play games, or lay in their lap like a puppy, then be their pillow when they go to sleep... to exist for them

some of my maps were made from such loving emotions, they guided all the placements. and it effects all of my creations in one way or another, it's so fundamental to who i am as a being, and has effected my experience of this world so much.


ways to appreciate fluffy boys:
cuddle into their soft fur
make art for them
play together
comfort them when they're sad
be kind to them always!
change the world together

im "fluffy" too btw :3

art sources

profile pic: by コルク
lake: by nagabe
plushy: by 涼森 弐敷
baloons: (cant find artist, but i remember they posted the art on furaffinity)
the ralsei sprite at the top: by someone on the deltarune team! (it's secretly the unused "vs ralsei" battle animation)
ralsei art above with "but he refused": by Yoshitura Yamamoto
art below with kris: cant find source
be cringe, be proud: by kiruyeen

four-button playstyle

osu has four default buttons: two keys, and two mouse buttons. i full alt with all four so i can tap really fast. it also makes everything more complex. here's some clips: bursts (tearvid), bursts (chipscape), long stream (snow goose), long streams (ascension to heaven 1.7x)

in my mind this playstyle is a classical part of the game, how the game has (almost) always been. (ever since keyboard inputs were added on 23/24 october 2007 :p)

(you can skip these/anything, this is just for anyone curious)

how to first learn this playstyle

if you want, you can skip this and go learn and discover the playstyle on your own :3 it might be more fun that way.

my advice is to start with slow, simple rhythms: like 2-4*, low bpm 1/1 and 1/2 with occasional 1/4th. and slowly learn to play basic rhythms. also, i suggest swapping your k1 and k2 bindings so you can tap symmetrically (i didn't do this and i don't wanna spend all the time relearning :p)

(if you're confused why inputs aren't counting: the game doesn't allow m1 and k1 to be pressed at the same time. same with m2 and k2)

once rhythms in 4* diffs feel intuitive to you, umm, do whatever you want :3 you can increase bpm, or go more complex, or just play anything and you'll improve from it.

if you ever want to learn to play higher bpms, like 300+, i'd suggest playing at that bpm sometimes, instead of slowly speeding up to it. high bpm relies more on processing and moving efficiently. i think it's 'better' to find efficient play methods and refine those, than to train less efficient methods to be gradually faster. (if you want to play to improve, that is. it's really okay if you don't :3)

also, there's lots of ways you can try to improve, i think that theorizing about them and trying new methods can be part of the fun of this game :3

qna

key order?

z -> x -> lmb -> rmb
(that's just what i'm used to. i suggest doing rmb -> lmb instead, is possible by swapping z and x keybinds)

keyboard/mouse? how hold mouse?

kb: bfkb113pbk
mouse: a minimalist one, ~16-20g total :3
fingertip grip, but on streams i might only aim with wrist/arm for more stability
also glass mousepad

do you use any scripts?

no

free hugs?

yes c:

and always rember... "pls enjoy game"(-rrtyui) ^-^
what i mean is, play for enjoyment, whatever that means to you. it's okay if you don't (or do) enjoy playing to improve all the time. everyone is different and improves at different rates and has different natural talents, but at its core osu is a single-player game that anyone able to play can experience. your value as a being is not tied to your ability in a game, you're already valuable (and worthy of optional free hugs :p) just for being you. games are for you, not you are for games! unless you really want to be

(you can also think of it as a coop game if you want, where we're all trying to defeat the levels together not to compete on them)

name/pronouns

my real name is... quila :P i chose it myself. quil as in 'quill' and a as in 'across'.
(please don't call current me by my old username, it's like a deadname. using it in mapping history is okay.)

for pronouns, i use neopronouns. lots of them are okay for me! bun/buns, hy/hymn, fae/faer... anything that feels soft, cute, caring. if you support me then you can choose my neopronouns :]
or she/her if you refuse those

otherkin species: bunny, plushy, toon

you can be anything you want! who you are is for you to choose!

thank you

thank you for caring about me, for being my friend, for loving me and playing with me. for helping me become a kinder and wiser creature. for comforting me when i was sad, and hugging me, and calling me a bunny ^w^. and of course for accepting me, even though i took it for granted. you made ten years of this game worth it. i'm not sure if i would have survived without you all. even if we last interacted years ago, still feel free to reach out any time.

and to everyone motivated by kindness in their heart, even if you are/were misguided, thank you for trying to make the world better and for being who you are ^-^ this world needs more caring beings!!!

*fluffy hugs* (if you want)